The sun came out today. It was out yesterday too, but I noticed it especially today. Sunshine always brings a flutter of hope to my heart. I feel stronger, healthier, happier when the sun is shining. Even more so when I can only feel its intense heat on my face and skin. I happen to love having really dark hair because it heats up so quickly in the sun. Of course, sometimes in the middle of a July I might feel a little less happy about that fact... But in the dead of December, its awesome. I'm staring out of the big window my desk faces in my office... and pondering all the ways that God shows His love for me, and for us as people. When I see the stark contrast of snow white mountains against a beautiful blue sky, I know that God loves me. I feel like He is speaking directly to me saying "Look Dawn, I know you're unhappy about some things here, but look at the beauty I am giving you today. Let it lift your spirit." And it does. I just wish I could be better about keeping that with me when things aren't sunny and beautiful. I wish I could still see the beauty in things when the sky is cloudy. Oh, all the different ways I mean that....
But today, at least, I am happy. I feel like I could do anything, be anything. I am so excited to see what the next few months will bring. We will know soon where we're headed after April is over. I am looking forward to a new adventure some place I've probably never been. I am still holding out hope that it will be somewhere sunny! Haha. But that will come in time. More than anything, I am excited to start living again. I am excited to make friends again and to be myself again. I feel like I've been hiding in a shell for the last two years here. I can feel the shell breaking. I can feel all the remnants of my old self returning. I am happy to talk to strangers again. I am getting comfortable in my own skin again (which, oddly enough, looks nothing at all like it used to!) and I am feeling confidence I haven't felt in years. All this excites me beyond words. I am so looking forward to meeting my baby girl and showing her all the wonderful things about this world... and I'm so excited that I actually feel like there ARE wonderful things to show her still.
Mmm... Sunshine. It makes me feel particularly insightful. In case you didn't notice... :) Sorry, I know this isn't really just MY place to talk (its Derek's too) but I just had some things to say and no journal with me, so you get what you get. Haha.
Peace out homefrys!
2 comments:
Wow! Just reading your post picked me up a little. I need to read that every day. Way to go! I'm glad you are happy and I'm glad you shared that with us. You are awesome and hope you feel happy for a long time. FOREVER!
What an awesome post! Thanks, Dawn! You picked me up, too :) I'm so glad you feel good--and for whatever reasons are feeling better than you did before...a New Year is always a great fresh start for me, too. I can't wait to see what the year brings for you guys, too. :)
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